frustrating

it is very frustrating to always feel like you are being told to do something instead of being asked to or even better being helped. i cannot do everything by myself, i need help. i wish he could see that. i want help and i want us to do this together but somehow it never works out. i am sure somehow i am not communicating how i feel and what i need but it is not easy to be vulnerable. it is not easy for me to ask for help. i feel sad, i just wanna be happy and enjoy this time.

Just curious

I do not know if anyone reads or looks at these things anymore, i know i haven since class was over. i am mainly doing this because i am bored and i have nothing better to do. have you ever felt empty, just like nothing was there. i feel that way. i feel like i am going nowhere, like im at a stand still. i can see what i will be doing from day to day and what i will be doing in weeks and months to come but it just seems like it is never going to be here. at the end of everyday i lay in my bed and wonder what i am doing and who i am. time seems like it is dragging by and yet everyday seems to pass. if only time had just stood still two months ago.......

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was great. I look forward to this time of year. I love spending time with my family. We all went to my aunt's new house this year. It was alot of fun. The only thing that could have made it better was if my dad had been able to come. My mom took him his food, but still it would have been nice to have him with us. The food was delicious as always. We had the perfect amount too. Afterward, we all sat around and visited with each other. I cannot wait till Christmas because the whole family will be together. This is really the best time of the year.

My weekend

My weekend was really good. Friday I went out with my boyfriend and then went to work that night. Saturday was nice, because I spent it at home with my family. It would have been better if I did not have to go to work that night. Work went well, I guess. I got to leave at 10 in the dot so that was great. Sunday I went to church and then went to see Saw 4. I had seen the previous 3 so I was excited. It was gross as expected. lol That night was fun. My friend and I helped shop for Christmas gifts for two girls. Afterwards, we went to Taco Bell and caught up on stuff. Today was a blast. My Mom is off work all week, so we just ran around today and got some lights to decorate the house for Christmas. I cannot wait for the rest of the week!

My three essays

Red and Math
Red is like math. How I am not sure. I like the color red, but I cannot stand math. Math is hard for me. Red is just a color that makes me happy. I do not have to know anything about the color red, but I do about math. The only connection they have is the use of red pens to grade my math exams.

God and an education
You do not need God to get an education. You do not have to pay lots of money for God. I have to pay lots of money for my education. People base your abilities to do certain jobs on your education. They could care less if you believe in God and have a relationship with Him. Your ability to succeed in this world requires an education. And your ability to succeed beyond this life is in God, not an education.

Name calling and abortion
They are alike because whether you are for or against abortion both parties have done alot of name calling towards one another. This is a very heated issue so people do not think before they speak sometimes and they name call. Also name calling is painful thing that you can do to someone. Abortion is as a horrible thing that you can do to someone. (yes, a fetus I am saying is a person) They both have negative tones about them. They can both be controversial, from when Dog called his son's girlfriend the n-word ,to whether a woman should have a choice to kill her baby before it is born.

The commonality in it all is that I am trying to get you to see some different sides of things that you normally might not think would go together. In each essay, I use different words to give you an idea or not to give you an idea of what I think. In the first essay, I used the word I alot so you know I felt that way. In the second one, I used the word you alot. So you could not really tell if that was how I felt or if I was making a general statement. In the last one, you already know that I do not like either one because they were from list b. All of these essays have something that is bad, even in trying to find commonalities. You could say that because of the size of my essays I might have had a hard time trying to find a common bond or a difference. You can draw your own conclusion.

List A and List B

List A

1. Family
2. My boyfriend
3. I Love Lucy
4. God
5. an education
6. amusement parks
7. haunted houses
8. kayaking
9. swimming
10. purses
11. red
12. flip flops
13. springtime
14. Christmas
15. Halloween
16. Peyton Manning

List B

1. the dark
2. snakes
3. bees
4. Britney Spears
5. name calling
6. gay marriage
7. abortion
8. math
9. umbrellas
10. carrots
11. bean
12. funerals
13. cancer
14. UT
15. the Grizzlies

My "A-Ha" Moment

The moment I would like to tell you about was when I first knew I was in love. I have been with the same guy for four and a half years now. He was my first love and will be my last. We started dating when I was 14 and he was 16. We had not dated any other people so this was a new experience for us both. When we were first talking, it was on AIM. I had in my profile information that I liked all these old television shows like I Love Lucy and so on. When I gave him my AIM name, I rushed on my computer to take out all that information for fear he wouldn't talk to me. I was embarassed about it, but needless to say he saw it before I could get it off. But he did not react the way I thought he would. He inquired more information about what I liked. I will always remember that because he made me feel accepted by him. On our four month anniversary, which was also my 15th birthday, he took me out. He gave me an I Love Lucy jewelry box. That is probably the most cherished gift he has ever given me. That meant so much to me because he really tried to find something that I would enjoy and he did. He really showed me he cared about me and what I liked.
As the years went on, we grew together and matured together. We have been through some really tough times. And when I thought it all could be over I prayed and God gave me the answer. He always brought us back together somehow. So my "A-Ha" moment is not exactly one moment. I cannot exactly pinpoint the exact moment I went "Whoa, I love him", because it is not like that. All I know is I just did and always have and always will. It was natural, like something that was always there. Love is not something that is easy to explain. It's that excitement you get in the pit of your stomach when you know he is about to pick you up. The smile you get when you talk about him. The happiness you feel when all your doing is just talking to him on the phone. These are just a few things I felt and still do.